Nothing can prepare you for the reality of marriage. People try. There’s books, advice, seminars, counseling…but nothing can truly prepare you for the depth of what you’re about to immerse yourself in. Much like childbirth. There’s only so many words to explain the experience and nothing can come close to just experiencing it.
Marriage. Childbirth. Divorce. Three major life experiences that you cannot prepare yourself for. You can try, and that is applauded, but unless you experience it, you cannot fully describe it or help someone to prepare for it.
I thought that divorce was just a separation of two people. Splitting the household items, going on with life without the person I used to call Husband. Media taught me that it was relatively easy. The first stage would be painful, the movies said, but happiness and completeness would come in time. I would find my lobster, Friends told me. My Noah was out there, The Notebook said.
At first, I believed it. I was ‘happy’, I was finally being my true self, I was doing what I wanted to do and wasn’t held back.
But the longer I lived in this Divorce Stage, the more I struggled to believe this was true. I tried online dating, I tried partying, I tried casual sex, I tried committed relationships, I tried not dating.
The movies, the songs, don’t prepare you for the soul connection that Divorce leaves you with. That attachment you can’t shake. That piece of you that you attempted to terminate and leaves you with a gaping hole. They tell you that it will go away, but I’m not convinced that it ever does.
Don’t think that I feel hopeless, depressed or lonely. I am a happy, healthy, well-rounded 30-something woman who is pursuing a relationship with the Lord, a career and meaningful friendships and tons of fun adventures in-between. But because of my divorce, I do believe that a part of me will always remain empty. When I left my marriage I purposely, although unknowingly, gave myself and my husband a marital-amputation that would leave me with phantom pains.
And this is what I’m wanting to focus on at KJS Online. Marriage relationships, life after divorce, sex and intimacy, the feelings / consequences of divorce, are some topics on my heart.
I hope that you’ll enjoy the learning journey I’m on and that you find it encouraging, interesting and hopefully somewhat funny. I don’t believe that I am alone in my feelings of life after divorce, so many of us are struggling with the How-To’s and What-Now’s of this life stage. I hope that we can come together, share, cry, laugh and spur each other on towards more fulfillment as we try to figure it all out.