The Crazy-Ex

If anyone was a crazy ex-wife, it was me.

You know how you meet those people who have wild stories about how their ex-spouse turned into this crazy person…they went off the deep end and became someone they hadn’t been before.

They started being super aggressive, maybe making the custody battle near impossible  or making unreasonable demands. Or maybe they started acting out, partying, sleeping around. They just became CRAZY!

You don’t know how many times I heard that I was being called the Crazy Ex-Wife. Or that so-and-so saw our failed marriage coming from a mile away. Or that you-know-who hated me with a vengeance because of my behaviour.

I was that wild wife that left a lovely husband and became something she never had been before. I was self-absorbed, I was aggressive, I was demanding, I started swearing like a trucker and drinking like a fish…I turned into this wild, worldly girl that couldn’t give two hoots about what others thought of me. And I liked it. I liked that I swore and partied. I liked that I just slept around and didn’t feel remorse. I liked who I had become.

But when God grabbed me back, I realized that all of this had been a cover. It was all behaviour that Satan had tricked me with, making me burn perfectly good bridges in order to ruin me. I realized that I had been sick, fatally ill with spiritual blindness.

I believe that the world has created the title, The Crazy Ex, in order to shirk their responsibility to this person. It’s a way to remove ourselves from their lives, separate us from dealing with their issues. It’s a way for us to pretend that we don’t need to feel a connection to that person any longer. It’s a way to justify giving up on them.

But I know from experience, both being The Crazy Ex and then the returned prodigal aching for forgiveness, that we can’t ignore this individual. We can’t let them leave our lives and pretend they never existed.

It’s exhausting having to deal with them, I know. But reaching out every now and then and letting them know you’re still there, doesn’t take too much. They might not respond, but that quick text or call will be a moment for them.

This Crazy Ex is sick and we have an obligation to them, as a friend of the marriage, as a Christian, as a believer in the power of prayer. We are obligated to hold this person up to God. To remind the heavens of the marriage vows. And to stand firmly for the For Better or Worse, In Sickness and In Health, even when the spouses don’t have the strength or will to.

When we go to a wedding, we’re not just there to see pretty flowers and a beautiful dress. We’re not present to witness the tears. We’re there to bear witness to the vows being said before God and to help support that marriage when the partners aren’t capable.

If you know of a Crazy Ex, don’t give up on them. Do battle for them. Refuse to gossip. Stand against bitterness or damaging opinions.

I like to ask the question “If this person returned to who they once were, the person you originally married, would you be saying this about them? Would you welcome them back?” Often, the answer is No. But I wonder what the true answer is…not the answer that is being protective or worried, but the answer that would come out of a moment of thoughtfulness. I’m positive the answer would be a heartfelt Yes.

This return is possible. This person, this wild runner, needs our help to return to their old, true self. They will return. I personally know how truly, completely, dramatically, they can return…and we can’t be shutting the door in their face when it happens. We need to be an open door and a save haven for their broken heart to come rest when that heart-change happens.

 

 

Pray Recklessly

Have you ever felt you needed to pray for something, but couldn’t bring yourself to say the words?

I had a friend ask me a question the other day, “Is there hope for restoration? Should I pray for that?” she asked. Valid question. I laughed and replied “It depends who you ask”.

My ex-husband proposed to his girlfriend the day that I sent him a letter of repentance, asking for a second (third…) chance. I had felt God tell me to write this letter and as it sat there in my Outgoing Messages, I prayed…I let it sit and marinate for a bit. Did God really want me to write this letter? Was it just my emotions taking over? I hadn’t found out about the proposal until a couple days later, so it wasn’t that detail that was affecting me, but maybe the emotions of Easter weekend, maybe being in my home town again, maybe being with family…

So the letter sat for a day or so, and I prayed, asking God what I should do.

I felt an overwhelming, heavy feeling that if I didn’t send it, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

So I sent it.

Sometimes our steps of obedience don’t make sense in that moment. The results are confusing and we wonder if we even heard God correctly. But just because they don’t make sense for now, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have taken that step.

“Is there hope?”

I don’t see any.

He’s remarried and seems to be happy.

But should that stop our prayers?

It’s as though we think that our words will confuse God. We can’t pray for something that will throw him off. If we ask for something outside of what he’s doing he might just answer it and then where would the plan be?! We’d ALL be in a mess!

That’s not how it is at all.

We can ask whatever we want of the Lord. We can ask for hope for restoration, even when it looks like that prayer won’t, or maybe even shouldn’t, be answered. We can ask for prodigals to return, even when it looks like they’re actually making the best of their situation. We can ask for changed hearts, impossibilities to become possible, doors to be opened, hearts to be softened…it doesn’t mean that God is going to say yes. And if he does, it’s in his will.

You can pray for hope even when it may seem wrong that you ask for that.

The only catch is that you need to be aware that the answer might be “no”. We need to hold our conversations with God in high regard, knowing that we are able to present our requests to him no matter what they are, and that he has the foresight to say yes or no.

Our prayers have the power to change the world and the people around us. They are POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE but it doesn’t mean that God will scramble to answer them if they’re not in his plan already. Our prayers for the impossible don’t send God into a frenzy. They don’t make him panic because they’ve thrown off his groove. Instead, they’re communication with our Creator and that’s what God wants and our hearts crave. They soften our own hearts to knowing Gods answer is the best for us, even if we can’t see it in the moment.

“God, this is where I’m at, this is what I desire, if it’s your will…and if it’s not, guide me through that as well.”

So when my friend asked if there was hope and I laughed, it was because there’s always hope, regardless of how we view the situation. There’s hope that God has a plan and it will most likely look much different than we predict. Just because we view something as hopeless, doesn’t mean it’s true.

So go ahead and pray for hope. Pray for restoration. Pray for changed hearts. Pray for the impossible. Our prayers are heard and welcomed. God may say no, but we don’t have to feel guilty for praying for something that seems strange. We just have to realize that whatever happens with that prayer and with God’s answer was in his will and plan.